I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
