If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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