did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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