I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
