If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
