I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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