My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
