omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
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Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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