Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
