I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
