i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
