idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
