I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
