I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I did not marry a roomba.
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