you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
