you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
