Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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