I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
