You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
