I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
