we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
