Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
