ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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