She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
