I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
