True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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