I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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