Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
