I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I will pee on everything he values.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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