Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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