I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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