dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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