Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
