She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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