I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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