dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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