you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
