I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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