Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
