Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
