You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Randomize
