Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
