last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
