Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
