I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
