i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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