First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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