I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
