i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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