That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
