a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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