good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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