I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
