capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
