forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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