I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
