even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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