i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
