god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
