I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
