did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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