At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize