My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
