is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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