Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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