she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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